2008 Woodie Awards
The Reel Deal: What to Catch and What to Miss
Sarah Culp
Issue date: 3/9/05 Section: Arts and Entertainment
On February 25, just about every white film reviewer, commentator or analyst, including yours truly, got the critical bejeezus knocked out of 'em by the astonishing $21.9 million debut of Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman. The movie was widely criticized by reviewers (again, including yours truly) for combining a melodramatic romance plot with sit-com style farce and slapstick. But Perry's formula apparently hit a nerve with an underserved audience, and it's likely that he'll be bringing a number of similar projects to the screen in the near future.
Neither of the other two openers even put up a fight. The Tommy Lee Jones cheerleader comedy Man of the House opened at #5 with $8.9 million, indicating that America has finally taken a decisive stand against both movies about cheerleaders and 59-year-old men who go by the name "Tommy" in public.
Just above it at #4 was the werewolf movie Cursed, which took in $9.6 million. So apparently terrible horror movies like Boogeyman, Hide and Seek, and White Noise rake in the cash for no good reason, but audiences can still pull a fast one and randomly decide not to attend something for whatever inexplicable reason. Either that or people are actually recognizing that these kinds of movies aren't worth their time until studios bother to throw some intelligence into the plot. You decide what's more likely. Taking into account that "Fear Factor" is still on the air.
If you dismissed past experience and gambling that the public is actually expressing a new, nuanced discretion in their film preferences, please don't be too disappointed to hear that the #1 film last weekend was The Pacifier, which grossed $30 million with its story of a tough male figure (either Vin Diesel or The Rock, and while I was kidding in the last issue, this time I really can't remember which one) forced to become a maternal caretaker for several adorable wisecrackin' youngsters. I always enjoy that plot a lot more when they use monkeys instead of kids. Monkey sarcasm is more highbrow. Right behind at #2 with $23.5 million was the Get Shorty sequel, Be Cool.
Coming up this weekend, Robots will be the first non-Pixar CGI cartoon to test the waters after last year's insultingly lazy offering, Shark Tale. In Robots' favor: a welcome dearth of creepy fish with human faces and gay sharks, both trends I am happy to see die before further infecting the box office.
Opening against Robots is the Bruce Willis action film Hostage, which looks okay. The trailer doesn't look criminally stupid enough for me to make fun of it, so I kinda feel like I'm not giving you your money's worth. Then again, this has been an overwhelmingly negative column so far, hasn't it? Okay, what the hell, I'm going to give Hostage my vote as the best movie that will be released this month. Make that this year. That's right, it's a lock for next year's Best Picture. Gonna knock Titanic out of the park on the all-time charts. Our future culture will be based on the philosophies expressed in this movie, not unlike the worlds built upon the music of the Wyld Stallyns in the Bill & Ted movies. And then they'll kill it by making Hostage 2. Sorry.
There sure aren't going to be any new societies based on March 18th's Ice Princess, starring Michelle Trachtenberg as a science nerd who learns to ice skate. I am at a complete loss as to who is supposed to want to see this movie. I miss Nona Mecklenberg as much as any other member of my Nickelodeon generation, but Trachtenberg is nowadays renowned only as that girl who takes off her bikini top in EuroTrip. And I don't see a big EuroTrip/Ice Princess crossover audience happening. Also opening next weekend: The Ring 2.
Neither of the other two openers even put up a fight. The Tommy Lee Jones cheerleader comedy Man of the House opened at #5 with $8.9 million, indicating that America has finally taken a decisive stand against both movies about cheerleaders and 59-year-old men who go by the name "Tommy" in public.
Just above it at #4 was the werewolf movie Cursed, which took in $9.6 million. So apparently terrible horror movies like Boogeyman, Hide and Seek, and White Noise rake in the cash for no good reason, but audiences can still pull a fast one and randomly decide not to attend something for whatever inexplicable reason. Either that or people are actually recognizing that these kinds of movies aren't worth their time until studios bother to throw some intelligence into the plot. You decide what's more likely. Taking into account that "Fear Factor" is still on the air.
If you dismissed past experience and gambling that the public is actually expressing a new, nuanced discretion in their film preferences, please don't be too disappointed to hear that the #1 film last weekend was The Pacifier, which grossed $30 million with its story of a tough male figure (either Vin Diesel or The Rock, and while I was kidding in the last issue, this time I really can't remember which one) forced to become a maternal caretaker for several adorable wisecrackin' youngsters. I always enjoy that plot a lot more when they use monkeys instead of kids. Monkey sarcasm is more highbrow. Right behind at #2 with $23.5 million was the Get Shorty sequel, Be Cool.
Coming up this weekend, Robots will be the first non-Pixar CGI cartoon to test the waters after last year's insultingly lazy offering, Shark Tale. In Robots' favor: a welcome dearth of creepy fish with human faces and gay sharks, both trends I am happy to see die before further infecting the box office.
Opening against Robots is the Bruce Willis action film Hostage, which looks okay. The trailer doesn't look criminally stupid enough for me to make fun of it, so I kinda feel like I'm not giving you your money's worth. Then again, this has been an overwhelmingly negative column so far, hasn't it? Okay, what the hell, I'm going to give Hostage my vote as the best movie that will be released this month. Make that this year. That's right, it's a lock for next year's Best Picture. Gonna knock Titanic out of the park on the all-time charts. Our future culture will be based on the philosophies expressed in this movie, not unlike the worlds built upon the music of the Wyld Stallyns in the Bill & Ted movies. And then they'll kill it by making Hostage 2. Sorry.
There sure aren't going to be any new societies based on March 18th's Ice Princess, starring Michelle Trachtenberg as a science nerd who learns to ice skate. I am at a complete loss as to who is supposed to want to see this movie. I miss Nona Mecklenberg as much as any other member of my Nickelodeon generation, but Trachtenberg is nowadays renowned only as that girl who takes off her bikini top in EuroTrip. And I don't see a big EuroTrip/Ice Princess crossover audience happening. Also opening next weekend: The Ring 2.