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Super Bowl 5:47 to 10:14 p.m.

The triumph, glory, and lunacy that was Super Bowl XXXIX.

Tyler Adams

Issue date: 2/9/05 Section: Sports and Wellness
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Aaaaand we're live, from the truly incredible Tolerton Mansion, in scenic Towson, Maryland, for the thirty-ninth installment of the biggest, most American spectacle in the world: The Super Bowl. This year features the New England Patriots versus the Philadelphia Eagles on the main card, with a whole lot of advertising on the undercard, plus possible bouts of Terry Bradshaw versus sanity and Paul McCartney versus last year's halftime show.

5:42 - The first of what is sure to be an ongoing salvo of Bud-versus-Lite ad wars, with Miller landing the first punch.

5:47 - Gretchen Wilson kicks off the medley of crappy artists on the come up with a miserable rendition of "Here for the Party". My friend Mike's comment: "It's a bad sign when your audience is more attractive than you."

5:49 - Oh NO! A Charlie Daniels sighting! And Gretchen Wilson's doing a jig...it's like some alternate universe. Richard: "He took her to school." And down to Georgia.

5:54 - The Black Eyed Peas take the stage. Eh. Then they hand off to Earth, Wind and Fire, who burn it up with "Shining Star." If this theme carries into the game, the team with the most veterans will roll.

5:59 - SWEET! A random Eugene Levy appearance...and that's Dat Phan, mini-celbrity, right next to him! The skit's okay: something about the Football Science Institute.

6:03 - Miller Lite's up 2-0.

6:04 - MC Hammer kicks it in an ad for something that allows you to keep your money.

6:05 - Excellent mass CGI intro by FOX.

6:06 - Oh Christ, we're getting Joe Buck for the game, along with Chris Collinsworth and Troy Aikman. Can we file a class-action suit and insert Madden now?

6:08 - Will Smith tribute to Ray Charles. With Alicia Keys. Perfectly done, except for Smith wearing a Terrell Owens jersey. Everyone's in their role - the Florida School for the Blind and Deaf are singing and signing, Alicia's wailing, and Will Smith did the intro and stayed out of the music. Has there ever been a more endearing public figure than Smith? Even though he can't rap and craps the bed in acting roles sometimes, I still like him.
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