2008 Woodie Awards
Touching All The Bases
From the ridiculous to the sublime, stories spanning the sports world
Art LaPenotiere
Issue date: 10/13/04 Section: Sports and Wellness
Whether you are a NASCAR fan or not, you should recognize how ludicrous was Dale Earnhardt, Jr's penalty for inadvertently cursing during a post-race interview on national TV after a win at Talladega Speedway. Little E was fined $10,000 and docked twenty-five Nextel Cup points for his response to the question by a Fox Sports reporter: "What does this win mean for you?" "Right now it don't mean s-," Earnhardt said, and then continued on in his familiar twang to explain why the win was relatively unimportant. NASCAR blew it by docking cup points from him. Points are earned for skillful driving and prudent risk-taking on the racetrack, not for anything that transpires before or after a race. If NASCAR's intent was to police its sport, as it has every right to, it should have lambasted Earnhardt with a $100,000 fine and let it go at that. Now let us see, what could little E do to earn those points back? I suggest that after his next win, if posed the same question, he should reply, "In reality, the victory today was insignificant in terms of the overall journey that I and my fellow drivers have undertaken. Still, there is a certain spirituality, a sort of metaphor for life, in having been blessed by emerging victorious here at Talladega." If he can pull that off, should not NASCAR tack on at least twenty-five points to his cup total?
* * *
Dodger outfielder Milton Bradley is approaching meltdown at breakneck speed. With a long track record of bizarre behavior already on the books, Bradley has most had some recent fun. He picked up a plastic beer bottle that was thrown onto the field by some jerk in the stands, and smashed it against a railing, a few feet from spectators. A few days later, when asked a legitimate question by a baseball reporter, Bradley exploded and called the reporter an "Uncle Tom." Both men are black, and an extreme shouting incident ensued in the Dodger clubhouse. Now, I can sort of understand why Bradley has some pretty intense anger issues. After all, if we grew up with the name of a famous board game manufacturer, we'd probably get tired of hearing stuff like, "Bradley certainly has had a Monopoly on Dodger strikeouts; he's had all four of them today." Or, fans yelling, "Hey, Bradley, get a Life!!" Still, I don't think that excuses his outbursts. Personally, I just do not think that the guy has a Clue.
* * *
If you have not been following the Ricky Williams saga, it is all about a young man who was being paid millions by the Miami Dolphins to play football. Unfortunately for both, Ricky tested positive for marijuana - for the third time in his young career. Under the NFL's substance abuse rules, it meant Williams would be suspended for a full season. An unrepentant Williams then decided to just retire from his football career, saying he had lost his passion for the game. He also opined as to how restricted he felt because of silly marijuana laws, and that he would just as soon spend his time smoking weed and hanging out with his buddy, singer Lenny Kravitz. Not so fast, said the Dolphins, who had just paid Williams $8.6 million up front on his multi-year contract. The football team went to court to retrieve its money, and a judge ruled in the Dolphins' favor. Williams was ordered to repay the $8.6 million. For several days there was a deafening silence from Ricky's direction - which was somewhere in Australia or Asia, depending on which story you wanted to believe. The latest development is that Williams' agent has telephoned the Dolphins with great news! His client had rediscovered his passion for the game and was ready to come back to Miami and honor the terms of his contract. However, Williams has assured one and all that his return was not about the money. "I've been living in a tent for weeks now, paying $7 a day...Do you really think money means anything to me?" Well, gosh Ricky, yeah!
* * *
Hey, anybody notice there's no hockey? Those rock-headed players do not get it. The National Hockey League does not have the revenue streams or numbers to operate without a salary cap structure, and the owners made it clear to the players that the new collective bargaining agreement would have to include just such a provision. The players responded by telling the owners to stick a Zamboni machine where the sun don't shine. And so we have a lockout - and many of the bigger names are hooking on with European teams. It is a mess and not likely to be resolved anytime soon.
Dodger outfielder Milton Bradley is approaching meltdown at breakneck speed. With a long track record of bizarre behavior already on the books, Bradley has most had some recent fun. He picked up a plastic beer bottle that was thrown onto the field by some jerk in the stands, and smashed it against a railing, a few feet from spectators. A few days later, when asked a legitimate question by a baseball reporter, Bradley exploded and called the reporter an "Uncle Tom." Both men are black, and an extreme shouting incident ensued in the Dodger clubhouse. Now, I can sort of understand why Bradley has some pretty intense anger issues. After all, if we grew up with the name of a famous board game manufacturer, we'd probably get tired of hearing stuff like, "Bradley certainly has had a Monopoly on Dodger strikeouts; he's had all four of them today." Or, fans yelling, "Hey, Bradley, get a Life!!" Still, I don't think that excuses his outbursts. Personally, I just do not think that the guy has a Clue.
If you have not been following the Ricky Williams saga, it is all about a young man who was being paid millions by the Miami Dolphins to play football. Unfortunately for both, Ricky tested positive for marijuana - for the third time in his young career. Under the NFL's substance abuse rules, it meant Williams would be suspended for a full season. An unrepentant Williams then decided to just retire from his football career, saying he had lost his passion for the game. He also opined as to how restricted he felt because of silly marijuana laws, and that he would just as soon spend his time smoking weed and hanging out with his buddy, singer Lenny Kravitz. Not so fast, said the Dolphins, who had just paid Williams $8.6 million up front on his multi-year contract. The football team went to court to retrieve its money, and a judge ruled in the Dolphins' favor. Williams was ordered to repay the $8.6 million. For several days there was a deafening silence from Ricky's direction - which was somewhere in Australia or Asia, depending on which story you wanted to believe. The latest development is that Williams' agent has telephoned the Dolphins with great news! His client had rediscovered his passion for the game and was ready to come back to Miami and honor the terms of his contract. However, Williams has assured one and all that his return was not about the money. "I've been living in a tent for weeks now, paying $7 a day...Do you really think money means anything to me?" Well, gosh Ricky, yeah!
Hey, anybody notice there's no hockey? Those rock-headed players do not get it. The National Hockey League does not have the revenue streams or numbers to operate without a salary cap structure, and the owners made it clear to the players that the new collective bargaining agreement would have to include just such a provision. The players responded by telling the owners to stick a Zamboni machine where the sun don't shine. And so we have a lockout - and many of the bigger names are hooking on with European teams. It is a mess and not likely to be resolved anytime soon.