2008 Woodie Awards
Coping With Suicide
Courtesy of the Health Center
Issue date: 4/21/04 Section: Features
After nearly a month of grieving, many of us are still asking "why?" and wondering what would have made Tom Turner choose to live. Why a person chooses to kill himself or herself is as troubling and frightening as the act itself.
We are told that many people who commit suicide have abnormally low serotonin levels; that 50% of people who voluntarily end their lives are depressed; that depression alone or in combination with aggressive behavior and or alcohol/substance abuse or anxiety is found in one-half of all people who kill themselves.
At the end of the day, however, a person who commits suicide feels more pain than he or she can cope with. Each of us has a personal threshold for pain, as well as a personal set of coping mechanisms. As in a math equation, there are two ways to tip the balance toward life - reduce the pain or increase the coping mechanisms.
If you or a friend are using alcohol or drugs to decrease the pain, understand that what you are doing is risky, and look for help in more appropriate ways. Please seek out the caring professional counselors for yourself or for a friend in need.
This is a sad time for us as a community, and we will feel a deep loss. The sadness is made worse with the knowledge that the suicide victim ultimately loses - while the act is committed to relieve the feeling of pain, there is no feeling at all in death.
Helping A Suicidal Friend
We are told that many people who commit suicide have abnormally low serotonin levels; that 50% of people who voluntarily end their lives are depressed; that depression alone or in combination with aggressive behavior and or alcohol/substance abuse or anxiety is found in one-half of all people who kill themselves.
At the end of the day, however, a person who commits suicide feels more pain than he or she can cope with. Each of us has a personal threshold for pain, as well as a personal set of coping mechanisms. As in a math equation, there are two ways to tip the balance toward life - reduce the pain or increase the coping mechanisms.
If you or a friend are using alcohol or drugs to decrease the pain, understand that what you are doing is risky, and look for help in more appropriate ways. Please seek out the caring professional counselors for yourself or for a friend in need.
This is a sad time for us as a community, and we will feel a deep loss. The sadness is made worse with the knowledge that the suicide victim ultimately loses - while the act is committed to relieve the feeling of pain, there is no feeling at all in death.
- If you suspect that one of your friends is depressed, or thinking about suicide, ask. Don't be afraid that asking will give your friend the idea. Most depressed people have thought about death or suicide, and are usually relieved to be asked. It can be helpful to ask questions like:
- "I've noticed that you've seemed kind of down, and have been keeping to yourself a lot lately. What's wrong?"
- "Do you ever wish you didn't have to deal with it anymore?"
- "Are you having thoughts about death or suicide?"
- "Are you thinking about harming or killing yourself?"
- "I've noticed that you've seemed kind of down, and have been keeping to yourself a lot lately. What's wrong?"
- Listen carefully to what your friend is saying and feeling. Listen much, talk little. Often you can be much more helpful to your friend by active listening, rather than talking.
- Try to stay calm yourself and avoid panicking. If you look or act very nervous, your friend may stop talking to you or change the subject, figuring you cannot handle the topic.
- Don't be afraid of your friend's intense feelings. Encourage your friend to talk about what is bothering her or him. Validate her or his feelings, not the behavior (i.e., suicide).
- DO NOT try to cheer your friend up, or mouth simple platitudes like, "Things will get better," "Life's rough sometimes," "But you have so much to live for." These are not helpful.
- AVOID philosophical or religious arguments. Stick to the concrete, discuss alternatives, focus on their feelings.
- Be caring, but with limits. Don't promise anything that you cannot or do not want to deliver.
- Encourage your friend to seek professional help. Treat their mental health as you would their physical health (e.g., you wouldn't advise someone with serious physical pain to just wait for things to get better, you'd advise them to see a nurse practitioner or doctor ASAP; similarly, someone in serious emotional pain should be encouraged to see a mental health professional ASAP). Offer to call an appropriate source of help and make an appointment for her/him.
- Remove, or encourage your friend to give you for the time being, anything that could be immediately lethal (e.g., a bottle of pills, a straight-edge razor, a gun).
- If you discover that your friend has a specific plan or a timetable for harming her/himself, take it seriously. Call an appropriate campus resource right away.
- Don't leave the person alone, even if they say something like, "I'm okay now." Get someone to stay with your friend, or accompany your friend to a mental health professional.
- Don't try to handle this by yourself. Talk with their parents, your parents, clergy, or other trusted adults about what is going on. (Even if your friend made you promise not to tell anyone about their suicidal thoughts; a true friend refuses to keep this kind of promise when a friend's life may be at stake; your friend may be upset with you now for telling someone else, but chances are he or she will thank you later).
- Inform appropriate staff on campus about your concerns for your friend. If your friend is a Goucher student, contact one of the following resources:
- Student Health & Counseling Services (Monday - Friday 9am to 5 pm)
- Walk-in Monday-Friday from 1-2 pm X 6050
- Office of the Chaplain, Kelly Denton-Borhaug X 6048
- Public Safety staff X 6111 (any time)
Other resources in the our area include:
- The Community Hotline at (410) 931-2214 (any time)
A 24-hour hotline, which can also provide referrals to appropriate sources of help off campus
- Grassroots Crisis at (410) 531-6677
Internet sites that may be helpful:
- Student Health & Counseling Services (Monday - Friday 9am to 5 pm)