2008 Woodie Awards
Poem Inspired by Tom Turner
Remembering Tom Turner (1984-2004)
Samara Pottier
Issue date: 4/7/04 Section: Remembering Tom Turner
I can't seem to escape the demons inside, telling me things that I make sure that I hide,
I'm stupid and worthless there's no reason to live, why are u trying you have nothing to give.
I fight back the horror and make sure no one knows, but then there are times when I reach out and show
It has all become way too much to hold back, the guilt that I hold seems too hard on my back.
Why bother others with the pains that reside, why bother others with the tears and my pride.
On this sad evening its too much to bear, I don't want to be here I no longer care.
I finally show you the despair that I keep; you'll now see the horror that lived inside me
I see myself there and I begin to feel bad, why did I leave here and all that I had.
I hope for forgiveness from the beings above, I'm so sorry for hurting all those that I love.
I thought it was too much for my soul to bear but now I see around me were so many who cared.
I let my depression take over my mind, I felt lost forever and impossible to find.
I'm sorry for deceiving you in my complex charade, but I will forever remember the friends that I made.
I watch you cry out as you look for solution a way to change history and seek resolution
I wish I could hold you and erase all those tears, tell you I'm sorry and explain all these years.
I will continue to mourn the life that I lived but begin a new here as I learn to forgive.
Remember my laughter and that it was not all pain, you made me smile, you washed away rain
Hold me with fondness as you go on in time take with you good times as I take with me mine
I lived what I could, it was shorter then some but I see all the mysteries now
And I'll watch till you come.
Samara Pottier is a member of Goucher's Class of 2004.
I'm stupid and worthless there's no reason to live, why are u trying you have nothing to give.
I fight back the horror and make sure no one knows, but then there are times when I reach out and show
It has all become way too much to hold back, the guilt that I hold seems too hard on my back.
Why bother others with the pains that reside, why bother others with the tears and my pride.
On this sad evening its too much to bear, I don't want to be here I no longer care.
I finally show you the despair that I keep; you'll now see the horror that lived inside me
I see myself there and I begin to feel bad, why did I leave here and all that I had.
I hope for forgiveness from the beings above, I'm so sorry for hurting all those that I love.
I thought it was too much for my soul to bear but now I see around me were so many who cared.
I let my depression take over my mind, I felt lost forever and impossible to find.
I'm sorry for deceiving you in my complex charade, but I will forever remember the friends that I made.
I watch you cry out as you look for solution a way to change history and seek resolution
I wish I could hold you and erase all those tears, tell you I'm sorry and explain all these years.
I will continue to mourn the life that I lived but begin a new here as I learn to forgive.
Remember my laughter and that it was not all pain, you made me smile, you washed away rain
Hold me with fondness as you go on in time take with you good times as I take with me mine
I lived what I could, it was shorter then some but I see all the mysteries now
And I'll watch till you come.
Samara Pottier is a member of Goucher's Class of 2004.
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