2008 Woodie Awards
The Reel Deal: What to Catch, What to Miss
Sarah Culp
Issue date: 4/7/04 Section: Arts and Entertainment
In their first four-way head-to-head matchup the weekend of March 26, mediocre Scooby-Doo managed to throw off challengers mediocre Tom Hanks, mediocre Kevin Smith, and rapper DMX, whose new film Never Die Alone might have been mediocre but who the hell am I to know? Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed took the top spot at the box office with a $29 million gross, paling in comparison to the original installment's $54 opening but more than double the paltry $12 million of the #2 film, the Hanks-Coen brothers cromedy The Ladykillers. No, that is not a typo; given that the pundits who brought us "dramedy," "prequel" and "threepeat" have yet to coin a cute phrase for the unholy comedy-crime genre combination, I took the task upon myself. If it fails to sweep the nation within the next month, I'll try "mystedy."
Vaguely cult director Kevin Smith's new mainstream date movie, Jersey Girl, came in at #5 for the weekend with $8.3 million, while Never Die Alone's $3 million failed to land it in the top ten.
Not unexpectedly, Scooby-Doo's reign at the top was short-lived, although it did barely manage to remain the top children's movie. Disney's new animated film (and ostensibly the last film the studio will ever produce with traditional animation) Home on the Range was released the next weekend and banked $13.8 million while Scooby-Doo plummeted to a just-enough $14.7 million take. Home on the Range stars Roseanne as a talking cow; her bravery in walking straight into the easiest joke ever conceived has to be commended.
However, both kid flicks were bested first by the latest comic-book adaptation, Hellboy, which took #1 with $23.1 million, and second by #2 $15.5 million-grosser Walking Tall, the latest thriller about a noble law enforcement officer wiping out the absolutely most evil villain in the entire universe, a drug trafficker, through the use of many humongous guns riddling dozens of blood-soaked bodies with bullets. Thank God it's rated PG-13; what would our children do without role models like this? On the other hand, Julia Stiles' tepid romance The Prince and Me could probably have used a little more violence; its sixth-place finish with a $9.4 million take is impressive, considering that to my knowledge, neither Stiles nor the Prince gets smacked upside the head and told to make a movie that hasn't already been made nine times for the Disney Channel.
This weekend will be even more packed. Remember The Alamo? Probably not, but I'm sure you'll remember that tagline after you hear it in the TV ads every ten minutes for the next month. Something to look forward to. You also likely don't remember the 2000 movie The Whole Nine Yards, but enough people apparently wandered into its theaters back then for the studio to churn out a sequel. Also opening is Ella Enchanted, starring that girl from The Princess Diaries as another princess who must travel across her kingdom on a quest to free herself from an evil spell, meeting many fanciful B-list supporting actors on the way. Finally comes The Girl Next Door, about a nerd who dates a hot chick. If you really want to see a movie about a high-school loser coming into his own, rent Angus. And if you're actually thinking of renting Angus, screw that and go buy the Angus soundtrack instead, because it rocks way harder than any of these stupid movies.
The April 16 weekend will see only two new competitors, but there's something for everyone. If you're interested in seeing a woman kill a man, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is just your ticket. On the other hand, if your passions lie more towards watching a man kill other men (and there is nothing wrong with that), The Punisher may be the film for you. If you fall into neither of those categories, move back to Canada, sissy.
Vaguely cult director Kevin Smith's new mainstream date movie, Jersey Girl, came in at #5 for the weekend with $8.3 million, while Never Die Alone's $3 million failed to land it in the top ten.
Not unexpectedly, Scooby-Doo's reign at the top was short-lived, although it did barely manage to remain the top children's movie. Disney's new animated film (and ostensibly the last film the studio will ever produce with traditional animation) Home on the Range was released the next weekend and banked $13.8 million while Scooby-Doo plummeted to a just-enough $14.7 million take. Home on the Range stars Roseanne as a talking cow; her bravery in walking straight into the easiest joke ever conceived has to be commended.
However, both kid flicks were bested first by the latest comic-book adaptation, Hellboy, which took #1 with $23.1 million, and second by #2 $15.5 million-grosser Walking Tall, the latest thriller about a noble law enforcement officer wiping out the absolutely most evil villain in the entire universe, a drug trafficker, through the use of many humongous guns riddling dozens of blood-soaked bodies with bullets. Thank God it's rated PG-13; what would our children do without role models like this? On the other hand, Julia Stiles' tepid romance The Prince and Me could probably have used a little more violence; its sixth-place finish with a $9.4 million take is impressive, considering that to my knowledge, neither Stiles nor the Prince gets smacked upside the head and told to make a movie that hasn't already been made nine times for the Disney Channel.
This weekend will be even more packed. Remember The Alamo? Probably not, but I'm sure you'll remember that tagline after you hear it in the TV ads every ten minutes for the next month. Something to look forward to. You also likely don't remember the 2000 movie The Whole Nine Yards, but enough people apparently wandered into its theaters back then for the studio to churn out a sequel. Also opening is Ella Enchanted, starring that girl from The Princess Diaries as another princess who must travel across her kingdom on a quest to free herself from an evil spell, meeting many fanciful B-list supporting actors on the way. Finally comes The Girl Next Door, about a nerd who dates a hot chick. If you really want to see a movie about a high-school loser coming into his own, rent Angus. And if you're actually thinking of renting Angus, screw that and go buy the Angus soundtrack instead, because it rocks way harder than any of these stupid movies.
The April 16 weekend will see only two new competitors, but there's something for everyone. If you're interested in seeing a woman kill a man, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is just your ticket. On the other hand, if your passions lie more towards watching a man kill other men (and there is nothing wrong with that), The Punisher may be the film for you. If you fall into neither of those categories, move back to Canada, sissy.