Quindecim

Issue date: 4/1/04 Section: Told You So

Media Credit: Caroline Langrall The Q suspects that prospective students, while allergic to bees, also don´t want to attend Goucher because the Ambassadors chase them with kitchen utensils, as pictured above.

Once again, it is time for the April Fool's Day edition of The Quindecim. The staff realizes that everyone does not have the same sense of humor as we do; we did not intend to offend. Resemblances to any factual persons or events in these articles, are horrible, unintentional accidents.

Goucher knows many statistics about itself.

We know that we have a higher index of happiness than other schools. We know what percentage of our student-athletes report that they have not done poorly on a test given on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday due to alcohol use in the past 28 days.

Now, in addition, Goucher's number-crunchers have discovered something else revolutionary - revolutionary in that we are probably the first school in history to care about it.

This year's freshman class, as well as the pool of prospective students for next year, has the lowest percentage of students allergic to bees in the history of Goucher College, and, in fact, in the recorded history of higher education.

What is behind such a significant shift in the numbers? A comment from Buzz Awff, a high school senior who chose not to attend Goucher, may provide the answer.

"Goucher was a really strong possibility for me, until I came to Explore Goucher Day," he relates. "Everywhere I looked, I saw bumblebees. With my allergy, I can't risk living in an environment with so many bees for the next four years."

Ironically, a mere seven per cent of current Goucher students report ever being stung by a bee on Goucher's campus. So what explains the sudden failure of Goucher's campaign to diversify its student body to represent allergic and non-allergic students alike?

The answer may lie in a simple fashion statement. It was during the 2002-03 school year, while the current freshmen were in the midst of their college searches, that the Goucher Ambassadors organization introduced new shirts for its tour guides.

The new shirts, with their bright yellow and dark blue horizontal stripes, make these representatives of Goucher bear a strong resemblance to bumblebees.

"I believe it is imperative that we redesign the shirts," asserts Goucher President Sandy Ungar. "They are a symbol of hatred, sending a message to prospective students allergic to bees that they are not welcome at our school. Nothing could be further from the truth. The presence of students from a variety of health backgrounds benefits our school tremendously through the sharing of experiences and viewpoints."

Isador Open '05 disagrees. "Goucher is so proud of the fact that the campus feels like it's far away from the city. Real bees would add to the country atmosphere, and if this trend keeps up, in a few years virtually no one at Goucher will be allergic to bees. The school will be able to bring in swarms of them without having to be concerned about health risks."

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