Quindecim

Issue date: 4/1/04 Section: The Absolute Truth

Media Credit: Sarah Haller "And we´re going to Stimson and New House and Security and then we´re going to Dorsey to take back the President´s Office! Yeeeeeehhaaaaa!" Tom Minnema, Mutiny Leader is pictured at left organizing his "files" two days before the mutiny.

Once again, it is time for the April Fool's Day edition of The Quindecim. The staff realizes that everyone does not have the same sense of humor as we do; we did not intend to offend. Resemblances to any factual persons or events in these articles, are horrible, unintentional accidents.

The Gopher is rolling over in his burrow. Last night, a mutiny was successfully attempted. The Julia Rogers Library (JRL) staff and the Information Technology (IT) staff are responsible for the revolt and have renamed Goucher College to F.U. University.

Rebel leaders Tom Minnema, JRL Circulation Assistant and Pirate of the Caribbean, and Bill Leimbach, head of Information Technology, have been planning the mutiny for the past two years.

"We were tired of everyone taking us for granted," Leimbach explained.

Minnema added, "We are the backbone of this school, and no one knows who we are. That is all about to change."

On Tuesday morning, President Sandy Ungar received a memo signed by "Jack Sparrow." The note read as follows:

"We know what you're up to. You think you're better than us. Did you really think you could get away with those pink shirts? You're not fooling anyone. If you do not relinquish all of your pink shirts, increase our wages by 800%, and give us 'Vice President' titles, Goucher will be ours. You have been warned."

Ungar responded to the memo by running away. He is currently unavailable for comment.

Following Ungar's "response," on Wednesday afternoon, Minnema and Leimbach announced their plans for mutiny to the Goucher community.

At a rally in Pearlstone Atrium, Leimbach introduced his list of charges and complaints. "I'm tired of people who call the Help Desk and think that we can actually help them. We're busy! We have loads of important emails to send out!"

Continued...

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