2008 Woodie Awards
Veggie Chili, Anyone?
Kent Coghill
Issue date: 12/10/03 Section: Opinion
If you were lucky enough to be in Stimson on the 14th and 15th of November you were certainly in for a treat. I can vividly remember my experience with something I will surely not forget for as long as I live.
It was Friday night and I had just finished one of my extreme workouts. It was a different sort of night. There was something in the air and everyone could feel it. I had a hunger, a deep animal hunger for something that would quell the aching in the pits of my stomach.
I entered Stimson not knowing what would lie before me. I walked past the desserts, I overlooked the grill, I ignored the salads, I snickered at the pizza, but then came the soup section. As I touched the soup lid to see what brewed inside goosebumps ran throughout my entire body. Suddenly everything seemed right and I was face to face with Vegetarian Chili. It's hard to describe the joy that I felt at that very moment. I guess you could say I was like a little boy on Christmas morning opening my shiny new fire-truck.
Without a moments delay I fetched up a bowl and poured in that sweet chunky liquid. When I had my fair share of Chili in the bowl I slipped into a nearby seat and sat in my prison stance. Now if you're a first time Veggie Chili eater then there's something you have to understand. You don't just start pigging out on the Chili, instead you need to make love to the Chili. Think of the Chili as a fine wine, something that is to be treasured.
First I put my face about an inch away from the Chili, then I drew in a deep breath. The smell of old cigarettes caressed my lungs. This was my vacation. I continued wafting the essence of the Chili until I felt I needed to move onto step number two. Now this step is tricky and it'll get you if you don't know how to handle it. You need to dip your spoon very lightly on the surface of the chili. Don't get too much or you'll ruin the experience.
When you feel you have about a drop of chili on the spoon you may taste the chili. As the Chili reached my tastebuds a rush of nicotine overtook my body. Now I'm not a smoker but I can tell you right now that my addiction to this chili was just as dangerous. Eight bowls later I was finished. I could hardly move anymore. I managed to crawl out of Stimson and make it back to my room. The high of the nicotine had subsided and I was exhausted from my chili escapade. I passed out right there on my bed.
I woke up the next morning feeling fully rested, but something was different. I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Throughout the night I had grown a beard and chest hair. I had become a man. The chili had somehow changed me. It's been two weeks since that incident and every night I search for the chili that had made me the way I am. And I search. And I search. And I search ...
It was Friday night and I had just finished one of my extreme workouts. It was a different sort of night. There was something in the air and everyone could feel it. I had a hunger, a deep animal hunger for something that would quell the aching in the pits of my stomach.
I entered Stimson not knowing what would lie before me. I walked past the desserts, I overlooked the grill, I ignored the salads, I snickered at the pizza, but then came the soup section. As I touched the soup lid to see what brewed inside goosebumps ran throughout my entire body. Suddenly everything seemed right and I was face to face with Vegetarian Chili. It's hard to describe the joy that I felt at that very moment. I guess you could say I was like a little boy on Christmas morning opening my shiny new fire-truck.
Without a moments delay I fetched up a bowl and poured in that sweet chunky liquid. When I had my fair share of Chili in the bowl I slipped into a nearby seat and sat in my prison stance. Now if you're a first time Veggie Chili eater then there's something you have to understand. You don't just start pigging out on the Chili, instead you need to make love to the Chili. Think of the Chili as a fine wine, something that is to be treasured.
First I put my face about an inch away from the Chili, then I drew in a deep breath. The smell of old cigarettes caressed my lungs. This was my vacation. I continued wafting the essence of the Chili until I felt I needed to move onto step number two. Now this step is tricky and it'll get you if you don't know how to handle it. You need to dip your spoon very lightly on the surface of the chili. Don't get too much or you'll ruin the experience.
When you feel you have about a drop of chili on the spoon you may taste the chili. As the Chili reached my tastebuds a rush of nicotine overtook my body. Now I'm not a smoker but I can tell you right now that my addiction to this chili was just as dangerous. Eight bowls later I was finished. I could hardly move anymore. I managed to crawl out of Stimson and make it back to my room. The high of the nicotine had subsided and I was exhausted from my chili escapade. I passed out right there on my bed.
I woke up the next morning feeling fully rested, but something was different. I looked in the mirror and was shocked. Throughout the night I had grown a beard and chest hair. I had become a man. The chili had somehow changed me. It's been two weeks since that incident and every night I search for the chili that had made me the way I am. And I search. And I search. And I search ...